I was reminded of this a few months ago while reporting articles on slow sex and tantra, when I decided to give some of these tricks a shot. Rather than racing to the finish line so we could pass out, resume Netflix, beat the brunch lines—whatever—my partner and I focused wholly on one another and the immediate sensations we felt.
Since it takes a bit to let the real world (and all its unsexy stressors) fall away, we found that we were able to achieve a much deeper state of relaxation, connection, and pleasure when we carved out a good hour or so to just roll around in bed and see what happened.
To help you achieve your own quest for longer-lasting sex, I asked Marissa Nelson, LMFT, certified sex therapist and founder of IntimacyMoons Retreats, which positions are most conducive to unhurried, not-so-quick-to-come sex.
Below, check out her top recommendations (which also got the thumbs-up from her husband) for moves that will help you and your partner last. While, of course, we can’t guarantee these sex positions will make sex last longer, it’s always worth a shot, am I right?
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1. Riding Astride
“Couch lovin’ is some good stuff, and riding astride does the trick,” says Nelson. “It’s gravity-friendly, relaxed, and doesn’t include too many bells and whistles that could physically overstimulate either partner.” *This sex position works for all gender pairings!
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Jenny Yuen.
2. Scissors
“This position allows for a deep and unique angle for [vagina-owners], allowing for [the] G-spot to be hit by either a thrusting penis or sex toy,” says Nelson. “[Penis-owners] have an opportunity to take things at their own pace, allowing them to last longer. And [vagina-owner] couples can get some nice grinding action going, which they can use as a slow lead-up to orgasm, which might be achieved through a sex toy or oral or digital play, if not the grinding itself.”
3. Sybian
“Put that ottoman to work without being constricted,” says Nelson. “[Penis-owners], when you’re getting close, communicate, communicate, communicate to make sure your partner’s on the same page.” For two vagina-owners, this position can be done by using a strap-on or other toy. *This sex position works for all gender pairings!
4. Butterfly
“This position allows the kneeling partner to thrust and go the distance without deep penetration,” says Nelson. “Thrusting slightly upward, the [penis-owner] has gravity on [their] side while enjoying a full-frontal view and easy access to [their] partner.” *This sex position works for all gender pairings!
5. Spoons
“The spoon can be a lot of physical stimulation for [penis-owner] partners, depending on the angle they’re entering from behind, so this might trigger some [penis-owners] faster than others,” says Nelson. “However, with both partners on their sides, you can take things at your own pace, changing the speed and depth of thrusting as needed. For [vagina-owner] couples, this can be a fun position where one partner grinds their ass into the other’s lap, while the other stimulates the small spoons clit.” *This sex position works for all gender pairings!
6. Reverse Sybian
“The top partner can control how fast [they] move, slowing down as needed if either partner gets turned on too fast,” says Nelson. “Essentially, there’s a lot of control, so you can take it at your own pace.” *This sex position works for all gender pairings!
7. Screw
“The screw is similar in mechanics and motion to the butterfly, putting gravity and pace of thrust on the side of the kneeling [penis-owning] partner,” says Nelson. “That will allow them to go for as long they can.”
8. Intersextion
“Intersextion functions similar to scissors, so [penis-owner] partners can take their time achieving maximum
penetration, while [vagina-owner] couples can enjoy some sexy friction — oh, and feel free to use your hands to zoom in on each others’ clits,” says Nelson. *This sex position works for all gender pairings!
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